How Can I Be Supportive With The Tantrums And Mood Roller coasters?

Two years ago my best friend who was also our family friends lost all of her family to a tradgiv acciedent. Ever since that devastating day she has lived with us. We were soo close, we were practically sisters. But now...everything has changed. Shes changed. I understand that loosing your mum, dad, sister and twin brother in an accident would be hard. The worst thing was she didnt show any emotion when it hapened and its now, 2 years later and 14 yrs old that she is having to deal with it. Instead of crying and be depressed she shows her pain by being hypo one day, physco te next, cross another and calm and cool about it another. Each day brings a new mood to her and i worry about what shes gunna do when she is in one of her not thinking adn stupid moods. Also we dont know how to deal with her. If we say something to her on the wrong day she will runaway 4 a few hours and do something stupid. Last time she graffitied some cars. I want to be supportive. But how do i deal with this?

Answer:
Number one I think you are great for standing by your friend. I am no a doctor but you should get her into some kind of therapy. That has got to be a horrible event to have to deal with. Being supportive is not enough, seek professional help.
first: she is trying to deal with a traum and doesn't know how. She soud be seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist to help with the pain, and sort out for you and your parents what part of her behavior is due to the emotional trauma and what part is just the confusion of being a teenager. So please talk to your parents about that. No offense, but she needs a professional for this, not just good people who love her.

SECOND: Try not to get caught in her moods. When you think she is in a really crazy or dangerous mood, tell your parents. It could save her life.

third: there is a group , EA- for Emotions Anonymous. I don't know if they are in your area, but they might be a ble to help you cope with her drama.
It sounds like you been a very good, supportive friend since your friends lost her loved ones in such a tragic accident. Although some days you may want to pull your hair out or smack her, just remember what she must be going through.

Your friend really needs some professional help to deal with her grief. I think that is why she is so off the charts. Grief is a funny thing (not really but you know what I mean).

When there are those times that you want to choke her, step back, take a deep breath and maybe take a walk to cool down. You are not abandoning her, just refocusing.

Good luck!! Your friend is very lucky to have you
Regarding the lack of emotion, that's one hellaciously big shock for such a young girl to be faced with. I wouldn't doubt that she's in an at least temporarily dissociated state of mind. While it's -possible- that she's one of those rare individuals without any sort of conscience whatsoever, it's not likely. More likely is that she was overwhelmed, and simply slipped into "robot" mode as far as her emotions are concerned. She may also have some bi-polar tendancies - there's not enough info in your description to gauge the likelihood of that, but it would certainly explain the mood swings. They do make medication these days that can help calm the roller-coaster down without turning you into a zombie, but she would have to be at a place where she wants the help before it would do any long-term good. Probably about the best thing you can do right now is just to let her know you're there for her, and that even with the difficulties she's going through you still love her and don't think any less of her. Teenagers don't often acknowledge that sort of sentiment, so it seems like they just don't care. But it does make a difference, and they'll very likely be very grateful to you for it as they mature. The hardest thing to do sometimes is to continue showing love and affection towards someone who seems to be trying to push you away, but it pays big rewards in the end so long as you're not pushing it too forcefully upon them. Let her know it's there, and that she can take advantage of it any time she wants to (by talking about something serious or just giving a good hard cry if she wants to), but I'd let that be her call.

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