How to deal psychologically with rivals whose existence cannot be forgotten and who thus gain relevance?

wondering how to deal with "rivals" - don't want them in my life, think i have the right to refuse the concept's relevance. There are no rivals around me, but far away in another country lives my sister, and I cannot forget her existence. is rivalry between siblings inevitable? In particular, I am a bit paranoid that she has fallen in love with the man that I love, and maybe he is attracted to her, too, because he says I am "pretty" but told me she is "beautiful" - I haven't told her his compliment. Now, this may not be true, but I cannot know for sure; she told me a month ago that she loves him, but not romantically, however right now she won't advise me further about my situation with him. Maybe I should ask him tomorrow whether he would date her if he had the chance? However, she used to say he is stupid and wouldn't listen to me talk about him. Also, when she met him at my birthday party a year ago, she talked the whole time with another guy and didn't pay him any attention.

Answer:
The rivalry only exists in your mind, not reality. Whether she lives with you or lives in another country this sister of yours has no actual bearing on your thinking. YOU put her on your mind and give your IDEA OF HER that power over you.

What a man feels for either of you is not under either your or your sister's control. That's his business what he feels and his alone. So the best advice would be just to stay out of it. If he begins pursuing you, then you can act on it. Until then, you are only playing games in your own mind about the situation and stressing out needlessly over it. The man of your dreams in REALITY would be pursuing you, otherwise any real, breathing man who is not pursuing you would NOT be the man of your dreams. Get it? So if this guy you have an infatuation for would rather go after your sister, he is graciously showing you through his actions that he is not the one for you. And don't blame your sister if he is infatuated with her.

And why would you need your sister's encouragement? What if you never had a sister? Would you be lacking in encouragement? The only encouragement you could ever receive is within you. Because if you absolutely believe that your sister doesn't encourage you, even if she sincerely did, it would contradict your sacred belief that she doesn't and you would either think she were lying, insane, or being deceptive and trying to manipulate you.

Which of the following scenarios feels more peaceful to you...?

You have a sister out there in the world who is living her life. You honor, respect, and encourage her path whatever it may be. You understand that however she is, and whatever she is doing, is right for her. Even if she isn't the most pleasant person in the world, she's entitled to be exactly that and it wouldn't affect the unconditional love you have for her. You delight in the fact that someone as unique and plucky like her exists at all. Any accolades, achievements, and attention she receives you realize she deserves and you are happy for her when things are going her way. While loving your sister, you love yourself as well and know that you do the best that you can for yourself in every moment. You learn how to succeed in life and to align your expectations to more realistic goals and stop searching for validation outside of yourself.

-or-

You have a sister that is living her life out there in the world. You constantly compare yourself to her and wish she weren't as good as she is so that you could feel better about yourself. You wish you had all the attention from each person you wanted to yourself and that they wouldn't make her feel more special than you. You desire to be better at her in everything that matters to you. You see her as a rival, as an enemy, and any way you can eliminate, minimize, or degrade her existence would suit you just fine. You don't want her to do her best, but you definitely want her to acknowledge you when you feel you are doing yours. Inherently, deep down, you believe she is a better person than you and you will do and feel anything to prove otherwise. It supercedes your understanding to realize that your sister is not better than you, she's just different than you. And just like you can't compare apples to oranges, you truly cannot compare your sister to yourself.

So, again, which of those two scenarios seem more peaceful, wise, and mature? Which would you rather be in?

Hope that helps... I'm sure you are a knockout woman, just not so sure you completely realize it yet.

With out sitting down and talking you won't know what you need to know and accept what there is to accept. I would say track her downn and go see her today and get things straightened out.

..We wish for, hope for the ideal relationship with blood relatives. But you know, all too often it just doesn't happen.

As for your boyfriend...if he's flirting with your sister, dump him. You don't want to be involved with someone who would do that.

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How to deal psychologically with rivals whose existence cannot be forgotten and who thus gain relevance?

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