When my mom says she loves me ..?
it flat out doesnt feel good. I get this bad feeling in my stomach. Its like she cant say it naturally. She is always waiting for my reaction. Also whenever she says it I immediately wonder what it is she wants. Im in my twenties and this has become more of a problem as I have gotten older. Its like somethingi has been missing for a very long time. Is my moms love broken, is she needy? I just want to know why I feel sick to my stomach whenever she says it to me and also why I dont trust her at all.
Answer:
When your mother says she loves you, you are preconditioned to respond in a conditional Way... i.e. what is the catch? what does she want out of me?
We very seldom get to experience the, "unconditional" type of love which does not require any pay-back. That type of love is transcendental and can be experienced in a spiritual way. If you need further insight, e-mail me and I'll explain further. I hope this helps you.
i don't know how to answer this question.
i'm sorry.
It sounds like there is alot more between you and your mom than just this particular issue. Look at the relationship that you have and have had with her. Did she do something to loose your trust?
Have you tried discussing your feelings with your mother or is the relationship to strained?
Without knowing more, I would have to say this is an issue of lack of trust.
There's no way anyone could 'tell' you your answer on a site like this. It's 'up to you' whether you want to pursue this, though. What if you have 'something wrong' with you, mentally? What if 'something very bad' happened when you were young that you've 'forgotten' except for this 'extreme' feeling you have when your mother is around?
You need a really good therapist ... and one who is willing to 'deal with just this issue' and is not going to want to 'ask about your whole life and what you are doing now' if you don't want to 'go there' with him/her. I suggest that you 'look into' as many 'mental health providers' as you can in your area, and make an 'educated decision' ... but go 'very carefully' and be extremely 'cautious' because there are lots of 'real quacks' in that field who can 'manipulate you' into 'believing' something happened that really didn't.
Maybe you have repressed resentment towards her for something she did or didn't do and just can't let yourself remember. I have the same problem with my mother because she let my father beat me within an inch of my life and never said a word for fear he would do the same to her; I suspect?
It sounds likeyou resent the fact that your mother and father weren't there together for you and you hold her responsible for not seeing your father...Or you made a bad mistake after advised otherwise by your mother and now you feel guilty and unworthy of her love and think she is just saying that to you because it is the normal thing to say. It also sounds like you feel like she is dependent on you and you resent having to be there for her on a whim... I don't really know that is not enough information to draw a positive conclusion but se if one fits your situation.
One or both of you broke the bond. I'd really tend to think that she means it. Take it as offered, & see what develops. Things don't have to occur immediately.Older people usually have the time to do some thinking, & it's likely she wishes some things were different.
Good grief! The big complaint used to be: "You never said you loved me!". Your mother probably wonders if YOU are needy, and that YOU need to be reassured. Ask her about it - did someone say anything to make her feel you didn't get enough affection? Why would she need something from you?
Your attitude is a bit detached, and is probably just your nature anyway, but your mother may be wondering if she could have shown you more warmth? But if her personality is detached like yours, you were probably never close anyway, and she is embarrassed by feeling she must behave out of character. This is a dismal time to bring up the subject of trust - but there's no love without it.
When she says she loves you, she mean it. Some mothers would tend to worry if their daughter is getting older (as you said in "twenties"). The very reason for this worry is your future. Any mother would wonder how their daughter could be able to handle their lives when they become "mothers" too someday. It doesn't mean that when their daughter got married, their obligation to them is finished. It's a wrong implication but rather, it would be more heavy as they would be looking thereafter, esp the moral support if not financial. Some mothers could not also directly express what they feel to their daughter as they're afraid it would cause resentment to their ideas and opinions esp the young generations whom are being influenced by the environmental mentality of "who cares", "i can", "leave me alone".
Whether you like your mother or not, she is still your mother and you got out from her stomach too. If you have no care or don't love her or lost your trust, even just a "RESPECT" to her as person as a whole will do. Afterall, you will feel the way too when you enter that stage one day.
*I never heard from my mother telling me she loves me even when I was a kid. So your better lucky then to hear it as I had wished to hear it from my own mother too.
you must beleive on your mother
This is a person who loves you more then anyone. She watched you grow up, be kind to her. I know we can't remember being a baby but our parents can. You don't need to say the L word if you cant, but please just give her a hug. It's so ok to hug your parents, who cares what lame feeling is in the tummy. Just hug them.
40's ~ three parents ~ never heard the words "I love you" once. Imagine how your question/info strikes me as odd.
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Answer:
When your mother says she loves you, you are preconditioned to respond in a conditional Way... i.e. what is the catch? what does she want out of me?
We very seldom get to experience the, "unconditional" type of love which does not require any pay-back. That type of love is transcendental and can be experienced in a spiritual way. If you need further insight, e-mail me and I'll explain further. I hope this helps you.
i don't know how to answer this question.
i'm sorry.
It sounds like there is alot more between you and your mom than just this particular issue. Look at the relationship that you have and have had with her. Did she do something to loose your trust?
Have you tried discussing your feelings with your mother or is the relationship to strained?
Without knowing more, I would have to say this is an issue of lack of trust.
There's no way anyone could 'tell' you your answer on a site like this. It's 'up to you' whether you want to pursue this, though. What if you have 'something wrong' with you, mentally? What if 'something very bad' happened when you were young that you've 'forgotten' except for this 'extreme' feeling you have when your mother is around?
You need a really good therapist ... and one who is willing to 'deal with just this issue' and is not going to want to 'ask about your whole life and what you are doing now' if you don't want to 'go there' with him/her. I suggest that you 'look into' as many 'mental health providers' as you can in your area, and make an 'educated decision' ... but go 'very carefully' and be extremely 'cautious' because there are lots of 'real quacks' in that field who can 'manipulate you' into 'believing' something happened that really didn't.
Maybe you have repressed resentment towards her for something she did or didn't do and just can't let yourself remember. I have the same problem with my mother because she let my father beat me within an inch of my life and never said a word for fear he would do the same to her; I suspect?
It sounds likeyou resent the fact that your mother and father weren't there together for you and you hold her responsible for not seeing your father...Or you made a bad mistake after advised otherwise by your mother and now you feel guilty and unworthy of her love and think she is just saying that to you because it is the normal thing to say. It also sounds like you feel like she is dependent on you and you resent having to be there for her on a whim... I don't really know that is not enough information to draw a positive conclusion but se if one fits your situation.
One or both of you broke the bond. I'd really tend to think that she means it. Take it as offered, & see what develops. Things don't have to occur immediately.Older people usually have the time to do some thinking, & it's likely she wishes some things were different.
Good grief! The big complaint used to be: "You never said you loved me!". Your mother probably wonders if YOU are needy, and that YOU need to be reassured. Ask her about it - did someone say anything to make her feel you didn't get enough affection? Why would she need something from you?
Your attitude is a bit detached, and is probably just your nature anyway, but your mother may be wondering if she could have shown you more warmth? But if her personality is detached like yours, you were probably never close anyway, and she is embarrassed by feeling she must behave out of character. This is a dismal time to bring up the subject of trust - but there's no love without it.
When she says she loves you, she mean it. Some mothers would tend to worry if their daughter is getting older (as you said in "twenties"). The very reason for this worry is your future. Any mother would wonder how their daughter could be able to handle their lives when they become "mothers" too someday. It doesn't mean that when their daughter got married, their obligation to them is finished. It's a wrong implication but rather, it would be more heavy as they would be looking thereafter, esp the moral support if not financial. Some mothers could not also directly express what they feel to their daughter as they're afraid it would cause resentment to their ideas and opinions esp the young generations whom are being influenced by the environmental mentality of "who cares", "i can", "leave me alone".
Whether you like your mother or not, she is still your mother and you got out from her stomach too. If you have no care or don't love her or lost your trust, even just a "RESPECT" to her as person as a whole will do. Afterall, you will feel the way too when you enter that stage one day.
*I never heard from my mother telling me she loves me even when I was a kid. So your better lucky then to hear it as I had wished to hear it from my own mother too.
you must beleive on your mother
This is a person who loves you more then anyone. She watched you grow up, be kind to her. I know we can't remember being a baby but our parents can. You don't need to say the L word if you cant, but please just give her a hug. It's so ok to hug your parents, who cares what lame feeling is in the tummy. Just hug them.
40's ~ three parents ~ never heard the words "I love you" once. Imagine how your question/info strikes me as odd.
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